To job or not to job

I've got a job opportunity but I can't decide if I should take it. Currently by day I'm a mild mannered data manager, and at night & on weekends I pretend I know what I'm doing as an EMT.

I love being on the ambulance - meeting people, taking care of people, maybe even making a difference for a few of them. Again, that's just part time. I once thought of becoming a nurse, but I've seen that job & I don't want it. I prefer to scrape up the patients & drop them off for the docs & nurses to handle - end of involvement.

I've got an offer with a medical transport company, transporting patients from hosp to hosp and occasionally running emergency calls. It's not that different than volunteering, except that I'd get paid and be on the ambulance for 12 to 24 hour shifts. I don't know if I'm ready to give up my cushy day job for a job that's constantly under pressure. I know I'd love it, but I'm afraid I'd burn out quickly. I'm used to having down time, and going to lunch when I want, and taking my time. Let's see:

Pros to taking the job: closer to home, love what I'd be doing

Cons: less money, more stressful

I dunno, with my daughter KT it would be nicer to be closer to home, but I'm already under so much stress with her I'm not sure it would be good to take on a stressful job.

Maybe I'll flip a coin.

Revenge?

Poetic Justice? Last night we had a fire call. It was at the same location we did our "burn", when we destroyed a perfectly good house to make way for progress. How perfect.

They were clearing the woods and using a bulldozer to push everything over to the mountain they were burning our beautiful trees in. The bulldozer had an electrical issue and caught fire. By the time we got there it was fully engulfed with hydrolic fluid everywhere. The lines blew & sprayed it all over. And since we're all on well water it created a hazmat situation, not to mention all the foam we had to use to put it out. I had to keep my smile hidden, and I wasn't the only one.

The project has been plagued from day one. The plan was for 200 houses to be built in less than 6 months (by December of this year). Ha! They are still breaking ground for the entrance way, with no houses yet. They've had water issues, money issues, and supply issues. There was a trailer fire last week, the bulldozer this week, and who knows what will come next. I'm sure they will eventually finish the project and we'll have to yield to progress, but it's great to see them suffer along the way.

And my friend showed up, Mr. Crack, acting like normal so I'm taking JR's suggestion to just sit back & watch him self destruct.

You want me to what???

A new, young EMT joined our squad. He thinks he's superman, and he knows everything. He's always trying to bark orders to us "old people". We just ignored him. He's a rather large fellow and he needs pants that cover his excessively large crack which he doesn't seem to notice. That's another story in itself. He does have a lot of energy; hyperactive would be a good word to describe him.

Anyway, this guy who knows everything and enjoys telling us how basically stupid the rest of us are, pulled me aside and asked me to give him the answers to a mandatory test. I explained the test is not hard and would only take him a few minutes to do online. He kept giving excuses, and begging me to fax them to him if I could. I had a meltdown and told him to take it himself. I also told him to switch to decaf, calm down and stop scaring the patients with his hyperactivity and leave the rest of us alone. He hasn't been back since.

I feel bad. I am usually in control. I prefer to just remain silent and take everything in. Did I ruin his whole career? I didn't say anything that wasn't true, but it was cruel and heartless of me to do it in that manner.

Maybe I'm getting old and cranky at the rip ole age of 41. Maybe it's everything else going on in my life. I know there's no excuse for being rude. The thing is, there is no way I'm calling him to apoligize. If I run into him somewhere of course I'll say I'm sorry, but I still can't stand him. I don't want to have a conversation with him and I don't want to be his friend. And I certainly don't want to be stuck in the back of an ambulance with that crack staring me in face.

Magical PB & J

Last Thursday was one of the worst days of my life. My youngest daughter has been getting progressively worse since school started. "Ice Picks", dizziness & nausea begin when she starts reading &/or concentrating on anything, including schoolwork. The school nurse & I are getting to be best friends since we talk so much.

Anyway, by Thursday my daughter was in so much pain she called me several times crying and begged me to do something. I called her docs at Hopkins, and they want her to stick with her meds until her appt in Oct if she can stand it. My emotions went between frustrated and helpless all day long. What a horrible day emotionally. When you love someone so much & can't do a thing to help them you feel pretty useless, ya know?

Friday morning when she woke up she said she wanted to go to school. I jokingly told her to eat some peanut butter before she went because it always makes things better. By lunchtime I was going crazy because the school nurse hadn't called me, so I text messaged my daughter with no response. Now I was really going crazy so I called the school & the nurse said KT had been in to get her meds, but wasn't complaining of any stabbing pains or anything. KT finally text messaged me back & told me she was busy in computer class (she hasn't been able to stare at a computer screen since school started!) and she was feeling pretty good.

So all weekend long I made sure she ate plenty of peanut butter and she did wonderfully! Ok, maybe it's the meds, but I'm making sure she has a jar of peanut butter to walk around with at school just in case.

Electricity & such

We're supposed to get T-storms today, which means our electricity will probably go out yet again. You can basically call us the Wilderness Family when the lights go out. We live out in the woods, with a well for water. So when the lights go out, in addition to having no TV (the horror!) we also have no running water. Which means, no bathroom facitilities. And before you ask, we are too cheap to buy a generator. We may need to build an outhouse if we keep getting storms, haha.

I remember using the outhouse at my grandparents house & being terrified. Besides hating the smell, I was always afraid of falling down the hole. My grandfather hating using the inside facilities when they finally got them. He didn't trust them. I'm not sure what he thought would happen, but surely it would have been better than falling thru the hole in the outhouse.

I wonder what would happen if our economy collapsed & we no longer had electric companies. Would we be able to survive? And what if we had to grow our own food? I remember planting & picking vegatables from the garden (children are great for slave labor I guess) for the first half of my life & I vowed never to do it again because I hated it so much. But if I had to I guess I could. What if money was of no value? What if our 401ks aren't worth beans when we are ready to retire? What if we could never retire? These are the random thoughts that run thru my brain at 2am......

Finally

I finally got up the nerve to talk to the homeless guy at the metro this morning. He wouldn't be bad looking if he scrubbed with a scrub brush & bleach, shaved (you'd need a weed wacker), burned his clothes and brushed his tooth. He told me he was 55, and he was the heavyweight boxing champ of DC when he was 45. He also happens to be a black belt. There are some "guys" he doesn't like, but since he can fight he's not afraid of them. I could have listened to him all day.

It really got me thinking. He reminded me of a lot of my patients. How horrible of me to be afraid to talk to a homeless guy, almost like I'm judging him, yet I'll treat people who live in lean-to's with no hesitation. The patients usually aren't any cleaner, maybe even filthier since they are sick, and they make up all kinds of stories to make themselves seem important. I just listen to them and let them live their dreams. Why not? Who's it going to hurt? For a few minutes this person feels good about themselves.

No comment

Right down the street from our Station is a big fruit and vegatable stand. Everyone goes there, it's kinda like a meeting place for everyone in town. People talk about their lives and their plans. They sell wooden outdoor furniture too so everyone sits and relaxes.

Saturday we got a call for a "code" at the fruit stand. A gentleman from the community had stopped there with his wife to pick up some veggies before going home & enjoying a fresh dinner. He was walking & talking fine when he collapsed. And just like that it was over for him.

CPR was started right away. We were there in less than 3 minutes & took over. It was very surreal doing CPR at the fruit stand. I was doing chest compressions on him & looking around. Odd as it sounds, it really was a beautiful setting. Off the road, lots of plants & shade, concerned people all around.

Of course it was upsetting to everyone, but he didn't have a care in the world any more. He really looked at peace. Weird, I know, but I started wondering were I'd like to be if I just dropped dead. The fruit stand was a nice place, but what if it happened in the 12 items or less line at the grocery store? Would people get mad because I was holding up the line? How about at the gym on a machine? People get crazy if you're "hogging" a machine. I'd like to think people would have compassion, but I've seen too many people that don't including doctors & nurses.

I had to go to the fruit stand the next day to pick up some stuff for our cookout. People started asking questions, but all I could say is "no comment". Is that what his life amounted to? No Comment?